Remember that old game show, "Bumper Stumpers" where contestants were given a license plate and had to decipher it? If I had one, it would be GRM FOB. Yep, germ phobe. I've gotten a lot better about it over the past few months (thank you, therapy), so I'm now finding the humor in it.

I remember when it hit me how nuts I really was. It wasn't when I holed myself up in the house for a full week between Christmas and New Year's last year when that god-awful stomach bug was going around or when my girlfriend teased me for sanitizing my newborn's hands. It was when Thing One came up to me with a picture she drew that had a bunch of different colored specks covering an entire 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper. I complimented her on such a pretty, colorful design. "They're germs, mom." she said to me. Oh, god. There. I've done it! I've projected my ridiculous fears onto my child! Don't get me wrong, I love it that she comes up to me and says, "I touched a worm and now I want to eat some chips. Can I have some Purell?", but it's not something I want her obsessing about.

As careful as I am about protecting myself and the kids from all things disgusting, I had the *worst* thing happen this summer that could ever happen to a germ phobe. We were at Lakewood Park for a girls night picnic and we spread out our blankets on the grass. I kicked away every bit of goose poop I could find. Obviously, I didn't get it all, because Thing Two found an escapee turd and popped it RIGHT IN HIS MOUTH! Ugh. I barely slept that night as I waited for him to get violently ill. Thankfully, it didn't happen. The immune system is one amazing thing!

It was an expensive season of therapy, but I'm as good as I'm going to get on the germ front. I had some crappy things happen to me this summer that kind of put it all in perspective.

...I would seriously lose my head. These past couple of weeks alone I've lost my keys countless times, locked them in the garage, misplaced my debit card twice, my business credit card once, and left the house with a candle burning on the (wooden) kitchen table. I had a cart full of groceries on the conveyor at Rego's only to realize that I left my wallet in my car. I ruined another set of towels by leaving them in the washer for three days. Gross. I'm sure after I post this, I'll remember about a dozen other scatterbrained acts I've left out. I get so irritated with myself that it's exhausting! Truly, I don't know how other people put up with me. My friend tried to make me feel better the other day by saying, "you're just practicing being human". Yes, but do I need to practice being a stupid human? Geez, as I re-read this I realize it must be a self-deprecating kind of day!

I sometimes daydream about being one of those polished, Coach-Purse carrying kind of girls who never leave the house without fresh makeup, smooth hair and perfectly pressed clothes. Ugh. I'm sure those kind of girls are never caught wild-eyed without wallets at the grocery store or trying desperately to crawl through the window of their homes. Though I can't help but wonder if they go home and plug themselves in at night.

The picture above is a Shel Silverstein drawing that is fitting to this post. Hmmm, the poem it's from is aptly titled "Loser". By the way, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Shel Silverstein. If you haven't visited his website, it's really great. Check it out. He's not just for kids!! I loved him when I was little, but I think I get a lot more out of him now.

I'm going to go and blow out all of my candles and go to bed...

I thought I was safe when I let my 5-year-old listen to Q.104 on the radio with me in the mornings. That is until Thing One started singing along with Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" from the backseat on the way to Kindergarten. The sound of her innocent little voice singing about "the taste of her cherry chapstick" just about made me blow my coffee all over the dashboard! It didn't bother me in itself, but I was concerned about her going into school and singing it to her teachers during sharing time. So, I try to think of the best way to go about talking to her about it without making a big deal.

Me: You know, some people don't think that a song about kissing girls is very nice, so maybe you don't want to sing that out in public. In the car is fine, but don't sing it at school.

Thing One: Mooooooom (exasperated eye-roll). Sometimes girls marry girls and boys marry boys. People like different things and that's ok.

Crack up. I don't want to say that I've never been prouder, but it did make me feel warm to know that I'm raising a tolerant little soul who will hopefully carry that acceptance of people over into her adult life. I'm sure that many parents would have my one-way ticket to mom hell printed up in a heartbeat, but the direct simplicity of her comment made me smile and feel like I'm doing something right. Rock on, Thing One!

This weekend, I managed once again to find the balance between mom and regular human being. On Saturday, I went out to an anti-shower for my girlfriend who is getting married in two weeks. She's already done the deed before and didn't want the typical bingo-playing, bride-and-groom-oven-mitt-gift shower that we all tolerate, so the girls went out to 87 West Wine Bar in Chagrin Falls. It was one of those situations where 3 different cliques collided. It could have been dangerous. There were the high school pals, the new family, and the friends of the soon-to-be hubby. Our outfits ranged from mom jeans and a floral top (NOT me) to a skin-tight dress and hooker heels (think Peg Bundy with blonde cotton candy-textured hair, complete with cigarette between the teeth). By the way - also NOT me! For all of our outward appearance differences, we ended up having a lot in common and had a great time. We must have looked like such a mismatched group, but after a drink or two we were all laughing and joking like old friends.

On the way home, I got pulled over for speeding. Thankfully, the universe realized my recent plethora of terrible luck and decided not to push me over the edge. I got off with just a warning to slow down. I didn't even have to cry! Things are definitely looking up.

On Sunday, we took the kids and their cousins to Patterson's Fruit Farm in Chesterland. I had never been there and believe me, it will definitely be an annual trip! There was so much to do! They had pony rides, hayrides, a big slide through the woods, a hay pit to jump in and push cart rides. And the food? Mmmmmm. I love fall food. I gorged myself on apple fritters, cider, kettle corn and a funnel cake. I need to put on a few lbs anyways, and there's no yummier way to do it.

By the time I got home in the evening and wound down, the kids were ready for bed and I had a wonderfully relaxing night.

Balance is good.

This morning I took a trip out to the Victoria's Secret at Crocker Park to get a bachelorette party gift for my girlfriend. While there, I decided to treat myself to a new bra thinking it would make me feel good. The vultures were on me in a matter of seconds asking if I needed to be measured. Sure, why not. And measure me they did - right in the middle of the store. Really? Do you need to announce my bra size to the whole store? So, I went into the changing room with a handful of bras, (and Thing One and Thing Two in tow) and tried them on. If you've never been to Victoria's Secret, the changing rooms are awesome. They even come equipped with a little doorbell, so that you can just ring for an associate and they'll bring you another size or style.

*DING DONG*

Me: I really like this one. Do you have have it in a smaller size?
Giant-Breasted Sales Associate: That IS our smallest size.
Me: Oh, ok. Maybe it's fine then.

Because I'm not going to admit that I barely fill out their SMALLEST size, I got the bra, grabbed a few pairs of semi-matching underwear and was on my not-so-merry way with $130 less in my checking account than when I walked in. Ugh. I totally need to make an appointment with Dr. Robert Rey.

Today was a great day!

Thing Two (my 15-month old son) took his first steps today! It's about time. I told myself I wouldn't worry about him not walking until he was 15 months old and he saved me by one day! 10 minutes after I got home this evening, he walked from the middle of the living room over to the couch. It was the adorable wobbly-leg, frankenstein-arm walk that they do when they're first getting their balance. So adorable. Of course I didn't get any video or a picture because it all happened so fast. By the time I got the camera ready, he wanted no part of walking anymore and didn't do it again the rest of the evening. Figures!

I also had a really good meeting with Positively Cleveland (GREAT ORGANIZATION!) this afternoon and then blew off the rest of my work day to have some ME time for a change. It felt great and it's something I definitely need more of. Then it was back to mom mode. Thing One had a playdate after dinner with one of the neighbour kids and I got to spend time with another cool mom for a bit while the kids played. I'm topping my day off with a quiet house, a glass of wine and the Grey's Anatomy season premiere. It's been a well-rounded and fantastic day!

My dad and I went to the Gordon Lightfoot concert last night at the Palace Theatre. We try to see him whenever he's in town. Us Canadians are loyal to our own! My dad saw him for the first time back in the 70's when he played at Massey Hall in Toronto. Hard to believe he's still rocking it 40 years later! Ok, maybe not quite rocking it, but for a 69-year old man, he sounded pretty good! He played a lot of goodies and told the audience the story about "Song for a Winter's Night" being written while he was in Cleveland years ago during a November storm.

Our seats left more than a little to be desired. I cheaped out figuring there are no bad seats at the Palace Theatre and ended up with Row Y way, way up at the top level. I now know that yes, there ARE bad seats at the Palace Theatre. Lesson learned. After a couple of bad jokes about there not being oxygen that high, we snuck down and sat in some decent empty seats without getting booted.

It was a great night and it was good to spend some quality time with my dad. We were totally due for a dad/daughter date! Hopefully he makes it around for another tour before he... dare I say it?