I'm not sure if the stuff that Thing One says is only funny to me, because I'm the mom, but I've been saying for years that I need to journal them so I don't forget any of it! So if no one else gets a kick out of it, at least I have record of it. She makes me laugh so often with what comes out of her mouth. I'm going to start with a couple of recent ones and add things as they pop into my memory.

Let me preface this by saying that Thing One is a goody-goody and never swears. She's sqeaky clean, that kid.

Thing One to the new hamster: Good morning, little guy. Aren't you a cute little bastard?!
Me: What did you just say?
Thing One: I said "bastard". Am I not supposed to say "bastard"?
Me: No, you cannot say that. It's a bad word. Where did you hear that?
Thing One: I don't remember. I just know it.

You have to know that she had the tiniest, softest voice and she was talking all high-pitched! Hysterical!


Yesterday was a day I really could have used a "ME DAY". Obviously, that doesn't happen much these days and I'm generally not big on needing a whole lot of alone time, but for some reason I was feeling a little bit fried. So, I take a break from cleaning to go to pee. Is it too much to ask for 60 seconds without interuption? Apparently so.

Thing One yelling from the living room: Mom, what does V-E-R-Y spell?
Me: Very
Thing One: What does S-M-A-L-L spell?
Me: Small
Thing One: What does P-I-N-E spell?
Me: Give me minute. I'm on the potty.
Thing One: But what does P-I-N-E spell?
Me: I AM ON THE POTTY.
Thing One: Can't you just tell me what P-I-N-E spells?
Me: NO. YOU NEED TO BE PATIENT. I AM TRYING TO GO POTTY!
Thing One: Yeah, well I'm trying to learn to READ!

Good Lord. Calgon take me away!